i dont know how to act i’ve tried it all

feeling some irrational on edgeness right now. she’s stated ‘i want you to read this book’ and i am furious but can’t let on so, else a riot. remember when you threw a fit on me because you were embarassed that i pointed out the green light you weren’t going on, and i threw a fit right back at you and demanded that you start learning or reading some psychology books so that you would understand what projection is and all the various personality traits you should have been attempting to correct 40+ years ago, and also flat out demanded an apology and was gracious enough to say that I would accept it in written form? rememeber that? and i’m still mad about you reading my facebook private message conversations involving my exhusband (or at all!!) and I was GRACIOUS enough not to confront you at all about it. you should be ashamed of yourself for that. I left a passive-aggressive note plastered over the monitor in 200 point font explaining this. I know that you saw it.  You should have been behaving with shame and apology after that, but each day you are increasingly pushy and needy and require confirmation on every statement multiple times regardless of whether the listener has agreed with you or attempted to contribute anything to the conversation. it is in your right to converse with yourself outloud, but you may not also require the involvement of other people, if your premise is that you’re just talking to yourself. you are a solipsist. you behave as if your perspective is the only perspective. if you are hot, everyone else must be as well. and then the irony comes when you insist that I confirm your request for permission to do something (such as turn a fan or light on or off, or go to the bathroom) because my permission is neither required by me (because i don’t need to announce or acknowledge every mundane action) nor required by you. what if I said no? would you react like i had just been insulting or sarcastic or snarky at you? Am I the one who has the attitude? what if I don’t respond at all; assuming you are in fact simply interacting with yourself outloud (again, which is a perfectly okay personality trait to have), will that also be construed as having attitude? I dont know how to respond, i’ve tried everything years ago and im just out of everything, for so so so long. please, please tell me what i can do to make you treat me better? i’m spun in a million directions, there’s never a right answer, even when people agree with you, you argue. when someone agrees to a task or discussion topic, you continue to sell it to them for as long as they’ll stand it. it’s okay to want to keep affirming yourself of something; it’s not okay to require that other people do so with you repeatedly. you need to exercise some self control. i’m absolutely at my wit’s end and practically shaking with anger at every conversational exchange. you need to acknowledge some of this. you need to apologize for reading my emails with joey and you need to stop doing it.

now, as for that book you think you can just tell me to read: are you prepared to read any of the books I would (and have, many times over the years) ask you to read? Are you finally prepared to learn with me, so that I don’t have to learn in spite of you?

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